I often work with groups using lists. In creative arts therapy as well as educational and process oriented groups lists are a great framework to explore thoughts, and/or feelings. Here is a list that often comes up in groups: ten suggestions about feelings.

1. Become emotionally literate.

Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.

Use three word sentences beginning with “I feel”.

“I feel impatient.” vs “This is ridiculous.” I feel hurt and bitter”. vs. “You are an insensitive jerk.”

“I feel afraid.” vs. “You are driving like an idiot.”

2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.

Thoughts: I feel like…& I feel as if…. & I feel that

Feelings: I feel: (feeling word)

3. Take more responsibility for your feelings.

“I feel jealous.” vs. “You are making me jealous.”

Analyze your own feelings rather than the action or motives of other people. 

Let your feelings help you identify your unmet emotional needs.

4. Use your feelings to help make decisions

“How will I feel if I do this?” “How will I feel if I don’t?”

“How do I feel?” “What would help me feel better?”

Ask others “How do you feel?” and “What would help you feel better?”

5. Use feelings to set and achieve goals

6. Feel energized, not angry.

Use what others call “anger” to help feel energized to take productive action.

7. Validate other people’s feelings.

Show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people’s feelings.

8. Use feelings to help show respect for others.

How will you feel if I do this? How will you feel if I don’t? Then listen and take their feelings into consideration.

9. Don’t advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.

Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgment.

10. Avoid people who invalidate you. While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or try not to let them have psychological power over you.